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September 25 life on the "2" LIST 4 Well hello all. I hope this finds everyone in good spirits and good health. I am reallly curious to know how my request last week turned out. Did you pray for someone? Did you see any change? (not in your subject, in you) I am having my best week yet. But before i get to that, I implore you, pray for the first name you think of. I know not all of you are Christians, but if you are interested, I will gladly talk to you or refer you to people who can lead you to a relationship with God.
Now on to my praise report. I was able, with the grace of God, to make it to church on sunday. It was a wonderful feeling to be able to walk in there with all of those people and not have an anxiety attack. I was on my medication of course, but I felt God's promise that nothing was going to get to me on his day. I enjoyed seeing all of the people who have embraced my family and prayed for us. Of course you are included in that gratitude as all of you have touched my life in some way. Getting back to church has been one of my goals since all of this started. I still have a loooooooooong way to go in all of this, but to make a journey you have to take the first step. I just know that God will not make the wrong decision in my life, and I take comfort in that.
My lovely wife has been fighting insurance issues while I stay @ home and write and pray on the computer. Again I ask that you all lift her up in prayer. She has gone above and beyond what we have come to accept as the norm in a wife and partner. I lift her up to God several times a day. She is human however and this is very hard on her.
I am working up to trying to get back to some type of part-time office work. I am getting closer to convincing myself that I am ready to get back into the game. I still cannot lift anything over a few lbs, but that is more of an anxiety thing than a physical thing. I would love to be able to go back to my employer and see if maybe we can find something for me to do, so let that be what you pray for for me. My heart will never allow me to return to my calloused hands and strong muscles as it is, but God will make that decision. I am constantly asking him to heal the heart I have, like he has healed my soul.
My last peice of good news is that I have gotten an answer to prayer for the future. I don't want to discuss this. Lets say, that God has really opened some doors for my family. He assured me that things will be allright and according to his will. This is pure praise and I intend to let hem know through my actions how grateful I am. As always, I love all of you and feel free to share this with others. I have also adopted a new sign-off. Life is good...Eternal life is better. Mark  September 21 life on the "2" list 3 Hi everyone. It is time to update you on life. Life is good...Eternal life is better. I have a bookmark that says that and how true is that? I am doing as well as I can day by day. I have good days, and I have bad days. The important thing for all of you to understand is that I do not sit here waiting for whatever comes. I am back to living as well as my condition will allow. That is not all that bad, and I only have a few real restrictions. I can't carry stuff up stairs. That is not so bad, that includes laundry and other undesirable things. Unfortunately My family has found a loophole. They have discovered that if they bring the laundry upstairs to me I can still fold it. I can also have dirty laundry delivered downstairs for washing. The technicalities are where you get into trouble. I have also discovered that my family loves my cooking. Well actually they love them not having to cook. I don't even mind that part, I like to cook.
I usually do feel okay. I still have to fight anxiety and I am afraid that it will be with me for some time to come. It is such an ugly beast. It attacks unprovoked and really hammers me. I usually pray my way through it, and take a medication that helps get me over it. I am ashamed to say that I always saw anxiety as an excuse to explain flaky behavior, but it really is a nasty bugger.
I have also been able to return to camping. I don't do much, but I get outdoors and enjoy the sunshine. I love to be out there seeing what God has given us to protect and appreciate. It really is a humbling thought that he made all of that for us. Even knowing we would abuse and destroy it, he made it anyway. Would you give someone something knowing he would misuse it and eventually destroy it. He did the same when he came in the form of Jesus and walked among us. Now that is a sobering thought. My request for the day is that you pray for someone who does not "deserve" it. Maybe we ought to rethink how we look at each other. As always, I love you all and please feel free to share this blog with friends. Mark September 16 life on the "2" list 2 Hello all. I hope everyone had a nice weekend. It is Sunday at this writing and we have just returned home from a weekend of camping. It was kind of chilly but not too bad. Most of all it was very relaxing. I spent plenty of time just sitting around watching the kids and Mary go through their day. I did a lot of thinking on where I am currently in my life. I really didn 't expect to be in this condition. Here is where I am at this point.
First of all, I have a good and growing relationship with God. That is a really great feeling. It supercedes all of the other stuff in my life. I am totally at peace with whatever happens from here on out because of this. He has shown me how to perservere with grace and joy through what is clearly the most difficult period of my life to date. But that is not necessarily the case. I have met some great people because of this journey. People who have prayed for me and not treated me as anyone other than myself. I have also reunited with old friends and even family members. So I ask myself, am I really worse off because of my health? The answer is clearly...NO. True I don't physically feel the best everyday, but I have seen alot of people who are suffering alot more that i am. I see this as my life having improved since all of this began.
That may be hard for some of you to believe, but get to know God better and you will know what I mean. No matter what happens to us financially, I know my admission to heaven was paid through the sacrifices of Jesus Christ when he gave his life on that cross. The moment he looked to heaven and said "It is Done" we all had our passage through the gates of heaven paid in full. We only have to accept his gift and believe. I try every single day to remind myself to be someone other people can use as an example in their spiritual journey. Having said all of that, I will end this writing by saying God bless all of you and Keep the prayers and emails coming.
Love you all, Mark
September 11 life on the "2" list. Hello kids. I am beginning a new phase in my life. This is the phase I have titled "life on the "2" list. This can easily be explained...I am on the heart transplant list as a class 2. That means that my situation is not incredibly urgent. Virtually noone gets transplanted off the two list. The listing goes as follows...1A urgent (really sick) 1B needs to be on full time IV medications and spend alot of time in the hospital.. And 2 which is functional and controlled with medications. As I become sicker, I will be upgraded to one of the other lists as that is the procedure. I am totally okay with this as I am not incredibly sick at this point and I would really hate to take a heart from someone else who is sicker and really needs it.
Mary made the trip yesterday to mayo with me. We expected alot of answers, and we got some, we also still have some questions. Things should pretty much settle down to normal for awhile. I will be going camping and all the stuff i did before. I will eventually become pretty sick, but that is quite a long way off. I have God on my side, and he has given me the grace and the peace to get through this. I am fully prepared to meet him, but it doesn't seem to be his plan at least for now. I truly trust in God and am willing to go where he sends me.
On a lighter note, I am now able to drive. All of you little ole' ladies who got me ramped up while I couldn't drive, I have your liscense plate numbers written down. When God said "do not retaliate for vengeance is mine," I interpreted it that he will deal with them on a personal level. As a good servant of God's I am going to help him by sending the offenders his way. Just kidding. Prayer is a gift, not a weapon let us all please remember that.
I have heard so many times "I'll pray for you" used as a weapon or an insult. Jesus loved us so much, that he came down here personally to show us (among many other things) how to pray. If I say I'll pray for you, it is because I will. I don't have to like you and you don't have to like me, but we cannot love God unless we love one another. I am listening to my own words, because I still am holding on to some bitterness from my past. We all have it but how we deal with it defines who we are. What will my legacy be? I want people who know me to know that I am going to go to heaven when I die. I don't want there to be any doubts. There is only one way to get in, and that is through accepting Jesus as your lord and savior. Some people think that being nice is enough, or giving money to charity, or helping a homeless guy eat for one night. The truth is that there will be many nice people who do not go to heaven. There will also be many "beleivers"in hell, because again we cannot save ourselves. I am writing this because if you have been invited to read this, I want to see you in heaven. I have not become some kind lf nut who only wants to preach, I am very much the same joker i was. The main diffrence is that my faith has just exploded. I pray for you all and i love you all.
How many almish does it take to change a light bulb??? think about it.
Lastly I want to thank LL who went to the alter for me sunday and received annointing for me. That is a huge undertaking and It only increases my love and respect for him. Please keep Mary in the girls in your prayers. This is so hard for them. I am still here, but I can't really do alot right now and that is really tough on them. I think it is the hardest on Mary, as she sees how things really are with all of this, and she is very confused right now. There is no definite direction for all this, you just live day to day and hope tomorrow can be better than today. God bless you all and all prayers are appreciated. Look at all of the names who get this update, pick one you don't know and pray for them...Love you all Mark
September 06 life update sept. 6 Hello all, I have so much awesome news so hold your breath and dive in...
I have an answer to prayer to start off, Devin, the neice of my christian friend in wv has given birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy. He is 7lb. 6oz. with dark hair. That is all I know for now but his safe and relatively pain free arrival is an answer to prayer. Thank god for this boy and praise God for bringing him into this world safely. I will post his name as soon as I hear it. Many people were asked to pray for momma and this baby, and the lord has answered. PRAISE GOD!!!
I just arrived home from a lunch with a great friend in Christ. He reads this and he knows who he is. He was a benchmark for me in my christian walk and a person who I wanted to be like as I learned to walk in god's footsteps. I am afraid I talked too much about this heart thing and not enough about how he is doing. We will do lunch again and i will keep my mouth shut and listen this time. I learned so much about how to love other people around him and hope to keep this in the forefront of my renewed walk with God. Man I am so on fire right now I am walking on air and cannot stop praising God! I did not post his name because we all should be inspirational to others. Maybe it will be you next time or me...God has a plan for us all, Are you ready? I am.
I also received news that I am to go to the Mayo clinic to meet with the transplant surgeon, the transplant coordinator, and the vampires. (the official title is phlebotomists) Blood draw techs. This set of appointments is scheduled for Monday Sept 10th. It should not involve me getting shocked or anything fun like last time. I am hitching a ride with my loveley wife mary. She is going to drive me up there and hear what the docs say so If I try to tell a story, she can interrupt me and correct me. And she will......but heck I love her and she can sort pills. Not to mention she is currently my only source of income. Geez, life stinks!!! Just kidding. Mary has signed on for the long haul and has been just the person I needed to get our family through this. God does not make mistakes in matters of the heart. I'm sure Mary is saying what??? I can only hope to repay her for getting our family through this tough time. I'm sure she will demand payment anyways...Mary, I love you.
Hey, I want you all to say a prayer for pastor Timothy Tinker. He is in Kansas City, and trying to get healthy. Whatever his body does to him, his mind keeps God in clear focus and lets him lead the way. Tim when you read this, know that i am going to call you soon and I Love You.
Lastly I want to thank you all for the emails and calls. Sitting here day in and day out with nowhere to go really stinks. Today is the first day I have been out of the house with someone other than my family. It was a little scary for me but I made it through with the lord's help. If any of you have had or do have anxiety problems, I am so sorry. I will be praying for you. This is a horrible thing to deal with and It really knocks you down. Just know that you will always have a friend in me if you want to talk about it. I really have a compassion in my heart for you, and I pray to God every day to make this go away. But God wouldn''t have given it to me if I didn't need it to do the work he has set aside for me. I love you all and I will update soon. Please keep the correspondance coming and know I am praying for all of you. GOD BLESS Mark
September 05 midweek report.sept. 5 Hello, all here is the midweek update... I have had a decent week so far, I have been home over a week, and things have started to calm down. I had a small anxiety issue yesterday, but it passed with no major drama to speak of. I am starting to adjust to the heavy dosages of the meds I am on and don't feel quite so bad all day long.
I am making progress in other aspects of my life as well. Especially my spiritual life. God is doing something big here and i caution myself to be still and listen. I have been re-united with old friends and some new friends all through the power of prayer.
I heard from the Mayo clinic transplant service, and they confirmed on tuesday that i will indeed be listed for transplant. (we already know that, but it sounds more real hearing it from the service) I praise God for that, but I still think he can fix the heart i already have.
I know he has it in his power and if that is his will, he will do so. It is times like these where you really learn to trust God. I have been told that i am pretty much done working until I get a new ticker, but I think diffrent. Something big is coming my way and I just know God is bringing me what I need to provide for my family. He has never let me down no matter how many times I have dissapointed him.
If anybody out there wants to send me a million dollars, I will give 100,000 of it to the chruch, and the rest to god. (he will know my account number) Just kidding, kind of. Mary has done alot of looking into our finances and things are going to be tight for awhile. The disability should kick in and make the first payment in february 08' ( if i am approved) but i know that God will see us through this and give us what we need to make it. I will not accept anything less or more than prayer for my family and that is where we are truly rich. I talk so much about God because this relation or rather this level of relating to him, is new to me. He truly has allowed me to grow closer to him by the adversity and health concerns I now have. I will rise in the morning and praise his name and continue until I sleep at night.
As always, please pray for Mary and the girls. It is really hard for them to see me like this, but they have been very brave. We have had a few good cries together and even some arguing, but we have grown closer and that is worth everything to me. Our marriage has grown stronger as has my relationship with the girls. Our friends have been wonderful and understanding and have been there to offer assistance @ every step of the way. I would be remiss if I didn't thank Patricia McVeigh (mary's mom). She has come and sat with me every day so far and made sure i am eating and basically babysitting me. (I can shower on my own thank you very much.) But god has used her in so many ways over the years to keep me in contact with him until I can stand on my own. I also want to send my love out the family @ ODFL. From the local DSM service center to the entire United States network of terminals. What a pleasure it is to work for a company who encourages christianity. It is time to let this digest so i willl end this for now. PRAISE GOD IN ALL YOU DO ! I love you all, MARK September 02 update for the lord's day... Good sunday to you all. The biblegateway.com verse of the day is Psalm 119:64/ "The earth is filled with your love, O LORD; teach me your decrees." I really feel that love today. he has brought me so far in the short time since my return home from Mayo. I have gone 3.5 days without an anxiety attack and am able to spend more and more time on my feet. God is so good to me. I just want to be normal again, and I feel I am headed back to the new post-heart attack version of normal, which really is not a bad life at all. I am able to do things and go places with my family. I do not have to be attached to an oxygen bottle, or IV and with the exception of my pill intake I am not much diffrent from a healthy guy. I know God is to thank for this. But here on earth, each one of you has played a role in this journey. Every one has been there at the right time. I feel that God is using this to draw us all into a big family. After all, that is the goal right?. I have connected with people from my childhood all the way to people i have met in the hospital. People i have abandoned to walk alone while i took the easy road. People who I dragged away from a good relationship with the lord. People who only wanted to love me and be a faithful friend, the very same people who are praying for me right now. That is God and how he works. All of you have lifted this brother up in prayer and friendship. I have some beautiful music playing as i write this, i only wish you could hear it. If anyone knows how to incorporate music into a myspace site, tell me how and i will share it with you all. I hope you guys dont see this as depressing, because I am so excited right now. I feel okay I love God and I love you all. Please pray for pastor Tim Tinker. He needs our love and prayer right now. Some of you dont know who he is, but He is a great man in the lord. His only desire is to serve God and love everyone, especially the oddballs....we all know who we are. I will end this now, because i could deliver a sermon right now. Praise God and let him love you. That is his only desire to be with us and all we have to do is ask him into our hearts and he will be there. He will hear your when you confess you are a sinner and forget all. He will give you a clean slate and fill you up with something indescribable but awesome nonetheless. I love you all and pray for you. Mark |
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