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March 29 talk fast, read faster... Hey guys, how are you? Sit back, sit down, be quiet and hang on! I want to tell you about the best day I have had in a long time.
It all started @ 0700hrs. I awoke to a beautiful crisp clear morning. I could almost smell the day through my window. Surely you know what I mean. You can smell the first tentative buds on the trees, the first awakening blades of grass. You can even smell the warmth of the soil where the dormant flowers are just beginning to unfold their fragile shells and trustingly open themselves to mother nature's (GOD) warming sunshine. I can smell the Grass blades turning green (That is why this is installment is in green, in honor of spring) with the hope of wild freedom before the mower blades come and curtail their ambitions. I sat up in bed, and felt so alive! I actually feel good folks. I don't mean "good for having a heart problem" or "good for having a pump in my gut", I mean I feel good. Do you want to wrestle?
Around 0830, my breakfast arrived. WOO HOO, feeding time at the zoo. I choked the "reconstituted" eggs down and gummed my way through some toasted bricks of what might have once been referred to as bread. I also ate two cylindrical browned objects that I cannot say with confidence once lived as a pig. I sucked down my milk knowing with the utmost confidence that it would be ice cold and taste like heaven. I was right. It is no wonder calves want to nurse for a long time, that stuff is good! As I polished off my milk, in walked Doug and Dawn. I quickly checked to see that my hair was brushed as were my teeth. DANG! I don't have either! So I made the best of it. My wife had sent my clothing in advance of her grand arrival. Dawn, after running into my wall with the cart, pushed my belongings in and there were greetings all around.
We visited until 1100hrs when Mary and the girls sauntered in with Len and Deenie in tow. Wow, my huge room had gotten smaller! It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize that 3 chairs would not safely seat 8 people. Being quick witted as I am, I invited everyone out to the "atrium" where we sat and visited. Around 1230hrs, we all went outside of the hospital (across the street) to, Get this...The Canadian Honker restaurant. It was great to be outside! We went in, and were seated together and were served a side-splitting portions meal. I was able to eat nearly half of it before surrendering to my stomachs cries for mercy. Thank God for "to go" boxes. Hey that burger was $8.50, no way I was leaving half of it behind. We left the "Honker" as it is lovingly referred to by the locals and something to the left caught my eye. Could it be? Caribou Coffee, right there not 50 yards away! I felt the tremors, and knew right then that any attempts at resistance would be futile. So we went. I marched dutifully inside and ordered my favorite...Decaf coffee of the day. After doctoring it up, with my secret ingredients, and tasting it's awsomeness, we headed back into the waiting glares of my keepers. By this time, I couldn't have cared less, I was "king for the day" and they couldn't touch my mood. They wouldn't anyway, I have the pleasure of being around some of the best nurses in the world. They are wonderful. (some of them are really cute too!) The rest of the day progessed with enjoyable conversation and planning the future. Tomorrow is not promised, but it is promising.
I asked God, before bed last night, for a new heart. I got one. No I did not get a new one in my chest, but I have a renewed fire in my gut. (and no it is not gas from the big meal). I have regained my passion for life. My writing, being a father, being a husband, and being a Christian. We prayed IN PUBLIC several times, with a boldness that could only come from God himself. I can't even sit still right now! Every nerve of me feels alive right now. I honestly don't care if I get a heart. It would be great, don't get me wrong, but there is much more to life than physicality. God sent me the right people to inspire me and give me the perserverance to wait however long it takes to get a heart. Is there any doubt he is real? Seriously?
I know that God is real. I am one of the fortunate ones who have heard him speak. Oh come on, you have too. Have you ever heard a baby cry? Have you ever heard a largemouth bass explode on a topwater bait? Have you ever heard a tree creaking as it twists in a gentle breeze? You have heard the voice of God! God is everywhere. Everything we think, see, smell, hear, and touch is God. We have gotten to the point where we need to be hit over the head with something before we see it. Wake up! Look around! Smile at the person next to you walking down the sidewalk or sitting at a stoplight. Take an extra minute to nuzzle your children. Smelling that sweet innocence that will be gone all too soon. Touch your spouses hair and appreciate the precious white hairs that have started to appear with much more frequency. Folks, God is where you look. Stop looking and SEE!
I am going to wrap this up and leave you with some buisness I have to deal with. In my last blog, I said something about what I called my "mind-numbing babble". I write with passion, and I have a rare gift of helping others see what I see. I was sternly rebuked, and taught another of those life lessons. I want to share it with you, because it comes from a wise man whom I love and respect. We are made in the image of God. To belittle ourselves is to discount God's work in us. It won't happen again. When RW let me have it, it was done with the utmost of grace. For that I will remain forever grateful. Bob, you changed my life, again. God bless you for that. Folks I go in peace, and with the knowledge that I have had one of the finest days a man could ever have. Peace be unto you all and know that I love each one of you.
Mark  March 27 The days go byGood evening lads and ladies how are you all doing? I am doing okay although slightly peeved. I had an entire paraghaph written, and somehow managed to erase it all. Oh well, you know how full of it I am, so I can easily replace the mind numbing babble I put out. It will be one week in the hospital tomorrow, and really it has gone pretty quickly. I am keeping up with my prayers, and I know that you all are praying for me as well. I am, however, human. I do get discouraged and start to feel doubt creep into my thoughts occasionally. Some of you have called, and some of you have emailed me and it definitely helps keep my mind occupied. With the weekend coming, I am in eager anticipation. My girls are coming Saturday as well as some of our good friends from church. That will be nice. The weekend also brings with it an increased possibility of getting a heart. I have asked and continue to ask that prayers go up for the person who will become my donor and his/her family. I can't imagine what it must be like to have to make the decision. I would like to think that I would donate from Mary and the girls, but it would be tough. The best any of us can do is give the gift of life, and honor the donor with living life to the fullest and staying healthy. I know the bible tells us that only the soul goes to heaven and the body returns to dust, but i intend to take this heart to church. It will read the bible with me. It will laugh and cry with me. Most of all, it will pray with me. I can't wait to wake up and praise God. I do that every day and I will never stop, but i know that whatever he does with my life will be a miracle. All of you say that God isn't done with me yet, but what if he is? I need to write this now, because this thing can happen anytime. I have come such a long way in Christ, but I feel like I can do so much more. God has shown you his love and his miracles through me. I hope and pray that I have inspired some if not all of you. I can lay my head down in peace tonight, and know that if tomorrow does not come for me, that I will be curled up in Jesus' arms. He has walked with me and even for me my whole life, and I ignored him for years. I came back to God's love because I have been drawn to him my whole life. Folks the world is full of people like me. Wandering lost in the world, looking for direction. There are times when they are so close to that decision that a simple word, or a hug, or a Praise God would open the hearts of these people. Please don't waste that oppurtunity. When I wake up tomorrow, my message will not change, but at least now I have said what I needed to. With that I am going to say goodnight. I love God, and I love you all. Smile, God loves you more. Mark
March 26 actively waiting Hello all how are you today? Did you see today's title? Is that not the biggest oxymoron you have ever seen? Not so fast. I could be sedentary. I could be lying in bed, but instead I am walking two miles a day out in the hallways. (That is where all the hot nurses are...) I am not real sure where picking my nose falls in there, but lets call it an activity. (Not that I would ever pick my nose...or scratch my...) That would be uncivilized. So call me a monkey, i have been called worse. I guess you have figured out that I am in an ornery mood, so look out! Anyhoo, I have been walking about two miles a day here on my floor at club med. I have requested an excersize bike for my room so that i have a place to hang my laundry as i wash it in the sink, I mean to ride and pedal my way to good health. I really miss being home, but lets keep in mind why I am here. We are nearing the end of this particular chapter in my life. The future does not promise to be all roses, but it will be much improved over where I am right now. At the very least, it will be an awesome ride.
How was Easter? Did you get all fat on Ham and Scalloped potatoes? Did you eat so much of your children's candy that you got Sick? Did you eat so many hard boiled eggs that people run for the exits when you break wind? Oh yeah, like I am the only one who does that!!!!!!!!!! Get over yourself tooti frooti. I ate hospital food and talked to my family online. Now here is the question that will make you think. Did you thank Jesus for dying on that cross for each and everyone of us? Did he hear you?
Yes he heard you. God knows our hearts and what we think before we think it. We cannot hide anything from him. I laugh at myself, because I am praying for God to use me as a witness to his glory. All the while, my soul is screaming for a new heart as well. He hears both prayers, and one is not more important than the other. Did you know that Jesus himself, knowing his fate, prayed to ask the father if there was another way? That shows me that even though you want to be in God's will, it is okay to want things for yourself. It is when we learn to submit to and fully accept his will that we become true christians. I am not ashamed to say that I am not there yet. Why would I lie? He knows the truth. He also knows that I am earnest when I ask to be in the center of his will. If this thing was instantaneous, we would all wait until the day we die,and be made perfect. We have to be patiently made into what he wants us to be. The bible is full of stories of people who God used greatly. Every one of these people had to be convinced in a number of ways that God is in control. Jonah, Moses, Abraham, the list goes on. God's biggest desire is to grant all of our prayers and wishes, but he must do what is best for mankind's future,and the kingdom of heaven. Is my getting a heart what is best for the future? I hope so, but wouldn't my death be just as important if it serves a purpose in God's eyes? I do not want to die, but I am willing if that serves God's plan.
He loves us all greatly. Who else but God himself would submit to all the persecution of man so that he could save our souls by his death? GOOOSE BUMPS?
Most of you know that I am to stay here in the hospital until I get the heart. They gave me a huge room called "the suite" by some of the nurses. I have been witnessing to anyone who dares to walk in here. It makes me feel good, and maybe i am planting seeds for God to water and nurture. I even cornered a cardiac surgeon and witnessed to him. He politely listened, and now the rest is out of my hands. All the doctors say, however, that those with faith do the best. Sounds good to me...
I had a couple of things to share just random things that you cannot wait to read...or finish reading. I have some thank you's to start with. My brother gets a big thank you for simply being my brother. He has been in contact every day with emails and calls sending me jokes to keep my toothless smile going. He also is sending me an electric razor. The docs don't allow me to have sharp objects up here, but they gave me a nice jacket that the sleeves wrap around to keep me warm. Doesn't give me much freedom of movement though. Must be alot of sick people here, lots of screaming...SG has been cooresponding with me several times a day. She is a saint. I am gonna have to talk to her husband about letting me elope with her when i am better. Probably should ask her too. I probably should ask my wife if is ok as well. All is going back to rightside up in RW's world. He and his family had some serious medical issues and alot of prayer was required and given. and answered. I don't want to go too long winded, because some of you are sneaking computer time at work to read this. Just know this my friends. I love each one of you, and i am praying for you all. Remember my donor and his/her family in your prayers. Please keep Mary and the girls (and Pat) in your prayers, daddy is three hours away, and that is a long way to go for a hug. I continue to trust in God and his perfect plan for my life. I remain hopeful that someone will walk in here that needs to hear about God, and I will be trusted to plant that seed.
As always, I love you God, and I love you all
Mark  March 23 Easter with Mayo... Back in the times just after Jesus was crucified, and came back out of the tomb, men used to greet each other like this... "He is risen" and the response was "He is risen indeed". That says it all. Hello folks, and a truly happy Easter to you. I am sitting here in my room at the mayo clinic. I was scheduled to come home yesterday, in fact I was even discharged. Then "Boom" the episodes came back. No Easter with my family. The docs decided that I needed to go back onto a medicine to help control the ahrrythmias in my heart. They "load" you with such large doses to start with that you have to stay in the hospital so you can be watched. In the mean time, Mary had already driven 2 of the 3 hours it takes to get here. Needless to say she had to return home without her prize.
I suppose some of you are scratching your heads, so I will back up and start from the beginning. Friday sitting at home, I started having some issues with my pump. Mainly a low flow warning that went off repeatedly. When this happens, imagine a sump pump, and how it sounds when the hole it is in becomes empty. Same problem...I became dehydrated which takes volume away from the blood, which means there is less for the pump to move. The pump, however, is a machine and it does not know that there is less blood to move, so it keeps right on sucking. when there is not enough blood to move, the pump has to suck something...This creates what is called a "suck-down event" (no giggles out of any of you. I actually think i attended one or two of these events while in college to this day i will not drink milwaukee's best beer) in which in the abscense of blood, the pump tries to suck muscle. This clogs the canula which is essentially a tube that connects my heart and the pump. This greatly irritates the heart causing the ahrrythmia problems. Now that you are all doctors and probably bored out of your skulls, i'll move on. I went into V-Tach, and was headed to the hospital, but more on that story in a minute. The plan was to go to Iowa Methodist to be shocked out of the rhythm and then come to Mayo to figure out what the problem is. Five minutes from the hospital, the VT stopped here is where the story gets good...
I am one of those people who loves being in church, and hearing the Gospel. I am mostly unable to attend church due to my condition, but I have found a local church which puts the sermon on their website. The message this past week, was about praising God as much or even more so when things are going bad. While is was in the car on the way to the hospital, I closed my eyes and began repeatedly praising God for loving me and holding my hand throughout all of this. Within five minutes of praying that prayer, my VT stopped. Could it be a cooinsidence? Yes why not? It gets better though. Mary and I decided that I had stabilized enough to make the 3 hour car trip to the Mayo Clinic so they could try to figure a way to treat this condition. I prayed for travel mercies and started praising God again. He is an awesome God who loves us and doesn't want to see one of his children left behind. Miracle number two occurred one and a half hours later. My phone rang and it was my friend and VAD coordinator informing me that I was to be re-elevated to the 1a status on the transplant list. Cooinsidence? C'mon how many times do you have to see a miracle to believe? I have seen countless miracles in my health situantion dating back to October 24, 2005. I don't need any more convincing.
As we ponder miracles, lets talk about one of the greatest miracles heaven or earth has ever seen.
We all know the story about how we came to celebrate Easter, and what it means. Because we have all been to church at some point in our lives, we know the Big Ones. Christmas, and Easter. Science tries to explain away and disprove that Jesus Christ could have been who he says he was, and is. Why? Is it so hard to believe that the God who created us would love us so much that he gave himself over to be born to mankind and later die for our sins? God has lived forever and will live forever. He sees us every day when we bring him glory, and he sees us when we try to hide. The simple fact is that he did allow himself to be tortured, whipped, beaten, humiliated, and crucified by the very race that he had created! He did that to provide a clear pathway that will get us from life on earth, to eternal life in heaven. He ministered and proformed miracles all over the land for over 3 years, and never once condemned a man. He simply loved everyone his eyes fell upon. He was betrayed by a disciple for 30 pieces of silver. Do you think, possibly, how we live our lives when we don't allow God to save us is any better than worse than that betrayal? Did he stop loving Judas after that? NO! This is where I come to the point... You don't have to be perfect to ask Jesus into your heart. Ask him in and he will do the work. Please just ask him.
I am sitting in the hospital, on a snowy Easter day in March. Woe is me, boo hoo, i am all alone. Whatever! I am not alone. I have God. I have my laptop, and I talked to my wife earlier. The main thing I am missing today is my family, and my church famliy. I am on speaking terms with every one of my family members, and life is good. There is a possibility that I might have to stay in the hospital if this new medication does not work, so lets all pray that it does. I should have a new heart soon, so lets also pray for the Donor and his/her family as it will be a painful time for them. God bless, and I love you all.
HAPPY EASTER, Mark March 19 just visiting. Hello my good friends, how are you? I apologize. It has been a week since we visited and that is mostly my fault. I will say, however, that this whole communication thing actually is a two way street. Due to advances in email, you may actually send me a note and say hi, or send a picture of you sticking out your tongue, or even give me an earful of your best verbage reserved for traffic accidents or unpleasant surprises. I am not sitting around feeling sorry for myself at all, but I cannot work and haven't been able to get out much due to the unusually cold winter, as well as medical issues. All that to say this...I am here, I am bored, and Mary doesn't get home till around 1600hrs. (or as one of you would say... O' 1600 hrs...)
Okay the waaaaa waaaaaa is over. Geeez, you would think i asked you to move a mountain. I actually saw a couple of you roll your eyes. What is up with that? Hey on to the good stuff. I made a new friend this week. His name is Fred, and he is a transplant candidate who, like me, has an LVAD pump. He lives in PA and hopes to get his heart in Pittsburgh, where i spent two of the less talked about years of my life. I am feeling okay, and yesterday I walked quite a bit more than I usually do. No problems to really speak of. Some minor VT type issues, but no trips to the ER or anything like that since our last visit.
I have to return to Mayo again this coming Monday (the 24th) for some more regularly scheduled tests. Since I am part of a clinical trial with my LVAD, the visits have been rather frequent to this point. After this visit, however, I only have to go up there about once a month. It is not all that bad, it is just a really long day spent in waiting rooms. I imagine it is harder for Mary than it is for me. I at least get to be the patient. She has to sit around and wait for me to get done, so we can go to the next test. Let us keep in mind, though, that it is much better than the alternative...I have never spoken to anyone on the subject, as there are not too many deceased people walking around to talk to. I want to go to heaven, and I really want to meet Jesus, but I would like to wait 35 or 40 years.
I do want to take a minute, since we are so close to Easter, to talk about death. Not mine, or even Jesus', but a death much worse than our bodies ceasing to function. It is a spiritual death, and it hurts. It hurts God, who gave his one and only son to come here and sacrifice his life so that we never have to die. It hurts us because inside we know that we need to be close to God. Sin separates us from a father-child relationship which is ingrained in us and is also God's desire. Jesus dying on that cross built a bridge over the gap which sin causes. Folks i am not standing in a high place, above sin and looking down on the sinners. I am one. I spent 25 years thinking I didn't need God and could "live" without him. I still hold on to things which seem huge to us, but in the big picture, they are just petty and trivial. I am trying to become a better Christian. But we must remember...We cannot become better Christians. God will do that for us if we will let him.
Wow, I feel stronger just talking about that. I feel good and energized, and ready to take the next step.
An update on my family... My lovely daughters are doing rather well. They are on spring break this week (remember when it was called Easter break?). My thumbs are calloused and sore as Jordan and I have been playing x-box quite a bit. Caitlyn spent all of yesterday with her Grandmother and will grace us with her presence tonight. At that time Jordan will go to Grandma's and things will certainly quiet down here in the McGrew house. This week I have come to relly know what it means to have young kids in the house. We live in a world that makes children grow up earlier and earlier and we don't let them just be kids. My illness has taught me to slow down and enjoy life, kids, and things that we take for granted every day. In all honesty, I also treasure the school system. These kids drive me nuts. (just kidding girls...now go clean your room!)
I want to say hi to my nurse friends, here @ Iowa Methodist, and St. Mary's Hospital (Mayo Clinic). You are all special people, who I miss greatly. This is the longest stretch I have had in awhile without being in the hospital. I hope you will print or forward this with the other nurses and let them know that I am praying for and thinking about them. It has to be tough caring about and for people who are sick and sometimes dying. And then you have to put up with someone like me...
I think I have come to the end of the visit. I have written all that was on my mind and then some. I will visit again soon and hope you are all well. Don't forget. Drop me a note and let me know how you are doing. I really do care about each one of you. I will make it easier for you. Cut and paste this... Dear Mark, I am doing well. My family is doing well and you are an awesomely handsome guy... God bless you all, and as always, I love you. Mark March 12 cinderella story... Hello fellers, how goes it? I wanted to update you on my visit to the Mayo Clinic on Monday. I also wanted to just chat with you guys about some news I got which on the surface looks bad, but i believe it to actually be good news when I look deeper into the matter. Lets get the not the best out of the way first.
My 30 day period on the 1A list has expired. This was disappointing news until I found the silver lining. I have been moved to the 1B list where I will remain until I get a heart, or get sick. If I get sick I will be moved back to the 1A status, but lets hope we don't have to go there. The silver lining is the fact that I am healthy enough to wait awhile for a heart. I have been feeling really good for quite a few days in a row now, and since the weather is improving, I am able to get outside and walk. I am able to do a little more each day and go a little further on my walks. Heck I actually went grocery shopping today and did pretty well with that. I am totally at peace with this, and I know that it is all part of God's plan for my life. I have been told that it might happen this summer, or maybe fall or even winter before I get a heart. If I can feel like I do now, I can wait.
Ok I got that out of the way, on to the good news. My blood tests and echocardiogram show some improvement. My ventricle is shrinking for a change, making my heart a little more efficient. Granted, it is still in bad shape, but is still getting better than it was. My blood tests all show improvement. Basically it means that all my major organs are getting profused more with blood and doing really well. Mary and I had a good visit with all the docs at Mayo, and got a lot of our questions answered. I have not had an "episode" of VT or anything like it in quite awhile. I really think that I am turning the corner here and am looking forward to spring and summer filled with camping and maybe even a little fishing. I don't think that I would have gotten to this point in my journey if it weren't for all of you guys praying for me, and taking time to send me an occasional email, or a joke.
Mary and the girls have really been troopers through all of this. Jordan and Caitlyn change my batteries and fetch stuff for me constantly. I feel bad for them because I have been sick for 2.5 years now. They don't complain when plans have to be cancelled because I don't feel up to going places, or have to go to the hospital. I have been in the Hospital for 3 straight birthday's including mine. But they have been patient and loving and pray for me constantly. Mary and her mom have picked up the rest of the slack. They tend to complain more though. HAHAHAHA. I know I wouldn't have gotten this far without all the people who have gathered around me. God doesn't make mistakes and he placed the right people in my life long before I would ever need them. Who did he put me here to help?
Maybe my writing is helping one of you. Maybe I will say something you need to hear when you read the blog. Maybe I have it all wrong and you need a laugh. I don't know, but I do know this...I am willing. If you need me, I am here for you. I can't do much physically, but I can pray for you. I can make you laugh in spite of my condition. I can crack a good joke or emit a loud bodily noise at the perfect time. I can sit and cry with you. I can do a lot to serve God and be a faithful friend to you. (I am not sure how he feels about the bodily noises though) The only thing I ask in return is, please don't forget me. I am a man who loves God, my family, and having a good time. I am not a complicated person. I don't want to stand before God on that glorious day and when he asks me what I did, have nothing to say. If you look in Matthew chapter 6, you will see what I am trying to say. I want to store my treasures in heaven.
I said before you people all have a special place in my life. Every one of you can rest assured that there is at least one person here on earth that loves you. God bless you, and we will visit again soon. Keep praying and looking for your oppurtunity.
Mark March 09 sunday at home. Hello everyone. It is Sunday, and I am at home. I am mostly okay, just feeling a little "off" today. It seems to be a trend, I feel pretty rough in the mornings, and seem to feel much better by mid to late afternoon. I am wondering if it might be the meds, but I will live with it for now. I mentioned being home and the fact that it is Sunday. That is both good and bad. Yes I am missing church, but on the bright side, I am not @ the hospital. That would have been funny a couple of months ago. Regardless, I am living every day, and I have been feeling much better overall. There is still an occasional bad day, but there are more good days than bad days and that is the goal. I just have to remember that God is in control and I will praise him no matter which kind of day I get. It is, afterall, another day on this side of the dirt, and that is good.
So, how are you all? How are you spiritually? Where are you in your journey with God? I had a slip-up around mid-week and started feeling sorry for myself. Again, SG came to the rescue and wrote me a letter rich in scripture, advice, and maybe even a little tough love. I needed that, and I got it. God never told us that life from day to day was going to be easy. He never promised to take away all of our pain and doubt. He did, however, promise to never let us do it alone. I began to doubt my salvation, and maybe even question my destination after my life on earth. I got the letter one day, and the very next day, the email devotion I received was written and inspired with me in mind. God lifted me up, brushed me off, and filled my cup with love, and desire to serve. I am back on track, and ready to go.
I am enjoying life. I am generally happy, and I don't feel too bad. Do I have a reason to feel sorry for myself? I don't know, Do I? I don't think so. I have to go back up to Mayo Clinic tomorrow for a scheduled checkup, and I guarantee I will see people who are a lot sicker or worse off than I am. How can I say that? Well, I am able to get up and walk. I can eat (cant really chew much yet, but I am getting dentures Tuesday) I can breathe. I can hug my wife and daughters, and I can go to the bathroom on my own. Yeah, my heart ain't in the best shape but so what. I am alive and that isn't going to change until I'm not alive anymore. I have said before, that I have chosen to live. I don't feel like I am dying, so I am not gonna act like I am. Some of the people up there are battling cancer, diabetes, leukemia, and a host of other diseases that rob you of hair, weight, and eventually, life. Sadly enough, my bad days can be ten times better than what others consider a good day. The one thing that gets me out of bed and anticipating each day is faith. I trust God. I trust my doctors. I trust my friends (that would be you) most of the time. I trust that my next breath isn't promised, but the last breath was a gift.
I greatly anticipate the day when I get a new heart. That will be a glorious day indeed. I can't imagine waking up and hearing and feeling that thump in my chest. Feeling that blood running through my veins. Calling West Virginia, Florida, Georgia, Des Moines, and everywhere in between and praying with all my family and friends. But my first call will be a prayer to my lord and savior. Did you know that someday I will be able to ride a bike again? I will play basketball, run, fish, and take endless walks with Mary and the girls. I want to go to a nascar race and cheer wildly as Tony Stewart gets lapped repeatedly by Jeff Gordon and all the Hendrick cars. But most of all, I want to live. That breif simple statement defines my life. I want to live. I don't want to survive. I don't want to exist. I don't want to see those pitying smiles when people see an electric cord (driveline) hanging out of my gut. I have a good life right now, and a great family. A littly nutty, but they are who I am. If you need to feel sorry, find someone who hasn't or wont accept God's gift of salvation. Me? I am good. I love you guys, and I look forward to talking to you soon.
All because of God's love,
Mark March 03 the next page. G'day mates. How are all of you smiling people? My ears were burning, so one of you must have been wondering what I am up to these days. Well the answer is not a whole lot. Saturday and Sunday was beautiful weather here in Iowa, with high temperatures on Saturday in the low 50's and Sunday highs in the mid 60's. I actually got to go outside and walk a little bit and also to just stand outside and breathe it all in. The sand dust, the salt and snow melting chemicals, the car exhaust, and the soap from the carwash across the street. I was happy to do so because when you have 4 people in the same small house, it can be really small and stuffy. Saturday also brought my family a reason to rejoice. We celebrated 1 whole week of me not having to be hospitalized. As of this writing, I still am on the "outside" and doing steady if not well. I am feeling introspective, so bear with me, I want to get something off my chest.
Some of you have said to me "I could never go through what you are going through" and I have to scratch my head at that one. I am not choosing to go through this, I am simply choosing not to die. That may sound blunt and callous, but it is true. I used to see "sick" people and say the same thing...."I could never live like that". Well, guess what? I am living like that and I think I am doing fairly well. I guess what I am saying is that we do what we have to do to survive. And more importantly, we all matter.That is what we do. That is why we have a complex brain and nervous system. Does this stink? Of course it does. Am I going to fight for all I can get? YES! I don't want people to think what a brave person I am. I am just a guy who made some bad choices in the past, and was forgiven. Now I have a job to do and I don't get to go home until I am finished. Personally, I hope my "mission" takes another 30 or 40 years and I can do so living well. It is okay to think I am a brave person, but you are all brave people also. You just haven't alll had to prove it yet. I hope that made sense.
I am not trying to be a martyr for the cause, or a guy seeking personal accolades. I am just trying to live. I was given a second chance at life. Then in October of '05 I got a third chance. I figure I can't screw this up too many more times God has infinite patience and love for us, but I have got to be pushing it. If you are reading this, you are one of the many reasons I love living. I want you all to be a part of my tomorrows to come. Maybe I can play a small part in your tomorrows also.
Okay, enough of the sappy stuff, you get the point. Did you guys see Tony Stewart hit the wall? He was okay so it was that much better. Then Jeff Gordon crashed hard and suddenly the race was not worth watching. I could not resist the crack about TS. You know who you are and why I am directing that comment at you. I still love you though, even if you do like orange.
I am going to keep this short and sweet. The news is that there is no news. I am still holding at the 1A list and living every day I wake up. As far as I know that has happened every day for 37 years 6 months and 16 days, (consecutively) but who is counting. I thank God for each breath I take, and for the beautiful life and the wonderful gifts he has bestowed upon me. I also thank God for each one of you. Each of you has played a diffrent role in my life's journey and you are all special to me. I will write again soon, and if this is not one of my better writings, bear with me. As always, I love you guys....Mark |
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