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January 23 so far so good. Hello folks, how are all of you today? I am doing okay, feeling good, and getting stronger with each passing day. I am still adjusting to being able to hear the pump working in my chest. It is quiet for the most part, but because it is inside of me, I can hear it very distinctly. It is not like a heartbeat at all, it is more of a mechanical sound. Not an unpleasant sound just very diffrent from anything I am used to. I have noticed that after activity, my heart rate slows and recovers much faster than it used to. I feel more desire to do things than before also. I am not quite able to do all of these things just yet, but at least I want to. Most of my soreness is gone, and the pain is greatly reduced. I am able to walk and yesterday (Tuesday) I walked approximately 4 times as far as I had to date, so that was a big "step" for me.
I guess that was a pretty fair lead-in to telling you about my trip to Mayo yesterday. We had snow the night before, so I was very concerned about the road conditions. I prayed for travel safety before we left the house, and God clearly heard my prayer, because the roads were in excellent shape all the way up there and back. We were going up there for the first "post hospital discharge" check up. I am excited to say, that all of my blood tests came back great. My doctor Irina says I am doing excellent both physically and internally. My hemoglobin count is on the rise which is exactly what we want. After all of the blood loss during the surgery, and afterward, it is hard for the body to replace that great of a loss without transfusions. Transfusions can in some instances cause the host body to create antibodies. That is normally not that big of a deal, but as I am waiting on a transplant, it can become a very big deal. In some rare instances, it could disqualify me from transplant candidacy. But as I said, so far, all of that looks good, as does everything else. It is all part of God's plan for me.
When I went into surgery, I made extra sure to pray that my soul would rest with God, and that he would be glorified through all of this process. I do not know what the future holds medically, but spiritually, I can be assured that my soul will be delivered at God's feet whenever my job down here is done. I have spoken many times in the past about this particular subject. I thought I should remind all of you, because I just got a fresh reminder myself. Yes the anesthesia is a powerful agent, but your mind still works just fine. I was able to pray as I hurtled into sleep and I can remember my first conscious thought was that I was back and I had made it and it was time to thank God for that. I had some great times of prayer in the hospital, and I am thankful for that. I was able to witness to many people I came into contact with. All in all, I feel it was a pretty productive trip, and oh yeah, I got a heart pump also.
My goal for this week is to be able to return to church. I think it is important for people to see that God heard their prayers and worked inside of me to bring about a medical miracle. The journey is far from over, but I am not walking alone, and I take with me the prayers of God's children and encouragement of all of my brothers and sisters literally and figuratively. I have not gotten into the thought process that God is gonna make this entire process easy for me, or that a new heart is even in his will for me, but I do know that all that happens in my life is his plan for me, and I am thankful for each new day and what it brings to me and my family.
With that I am gonna wrap this writing up. As always I am asking for prayers to continue, both for my family and myself. I also ask you to open your hearts and let God put someone in there who really needs the prayer. He will do it if you just open up and let him. I will have more later this week or possibly this weekend. God bless you all, and I love you. Mark  January 19 petting a dog. Hello kids. I want to go a slightly diffrent direction with this writing, so bear with me...
As I write this, I am petting my dog Blake. He is not the best dog who ever lived, nor is he anywhere close to my favorite. In most ways I do not even like him that much. He is pretty smart and beautiful to look at. The point I am making here, is that I am petting a dog. We all too often overlook the simple things in life. I want you guys to think about that...after you read all of this. I just spent almost two weeks in the hospital. I ate at exact times. Somebody wrote down every drop of fluids I drank and every drop of pee that came back out. They listened to the new sound of my heart and the machine that helps it work better and made sure I was comfortable. They were great. They took very good care of me, and i formed some friendships while I was there. What I missed however was getting my hand licked. Having a cold nose against my belly to make sure it is really me. What I am getting at is that my ill mannered, food stealing, psychotic dog, really missed me. He didn't care that I am sick or weak. He didn't care that I was gone so long, he was just happy I came home again. That is the heart of my message. That is precisely how God loves us.
I am not comparing God with a dog. But like a dog's his love for us is beyond condition. It doesn't matter that we write well, or worshp louder, or do more for God's kingdom, or help the homeless, or own a more expensive bible with our name embossed on it in gold lettering. I am not saying these are bad things, I am saying that These things don't impress God any more than a man dressed in rags going into his room and praying praise to God for the fact that he was able to wake up that morning. We need to simplify how we love our God, make ourselves like a dog and just kiss his hand because he is there. We cannot understand the sacrifice he made on that cross so that we could choose to turn our backs on him or tell others that he does not exist, or think we can get to heaven just by being a "good person". We also have the option to believe that he did die up there so that we have a means of getting to heaven. He is the only way we can accomplish that. As for me I want to be that dog, or that baby, that only knows to love, without question or stipulations, without conditions or doing the right things. I want to become pure for him, and that is a hard path to take. But it is not impossible. Keep this with you when you are done reading... I said before they put me to sleep "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I went off to sleep with faith, and woke up two days later with that same faith. I honestly do not want to ever experience something like that without God in my life.
Speaking of that experience, it is time for details of my last week or so since I wrote previously. I made a new friend in the hospital. His name is Troy, and he is a very nice person. I hope we all can take a minute to pray that God continue to help him through his recovery from surgery. It has been a week of good days and bad days. I have been in horrible pain, and I have had times where I have actually felt pretty good. I am now at home recovering with my family, and freezing my buns off. The pump is hard to describe from the standpoint of being the guy who actually has it inside of him. It makes a very distinct sound as it works which can only be described as "mechanical". It even harder to describe what it has changed in me. I have noticed that the biggest change is in the fact that I recover from activies much faster. I can hear my "heartrate" and it slows much faster to "normal" after getting up and around. That is weird to me because exercise before meant fatigue and extensive rest afterward. I have a long way to go, to be able to exercise at a healthy pace, but I can feel a future beating in my chest. Each day gets a little better. Every step and setback makes my resolve stronger. Every prayer makes me more of a believer. I have written all I am going to for right now. I hope I have left you with some things to contemplate. I will write soon, and as always, I love you all. Mark January 14 give a guy a break. Hello kids. I have been chastised for not blogging. What are ya freakin' kidding me? I just had my chest split open from neck to navel (it is an 18" incision) and I have been a little sore! Just kidding. Yes, I did have the LVAD surgery, and let me tell you. I highly recommend it as the best diet you can go on next to getting your teeth pulled. They placed the pump very close to my stomach, so it works like the gastric bypass. I eat a couple of bites, and I am full. I have an appetite, just no place to put it. I still miss my teeth, that in retrospect was a bad decision. Let us be remimded, that I needed to have it done before the transplant, but it really weakened me going into this surgery. I have had a pretty rough time with pain on this go-round, and that is just one more pain to deal with. That combined with the fact that they had to go back in there, and stop some bleeding. I also found out that they patched a hole in my heart. That would explain all the gas I have been famous for all of my life. The greatest news of all here is that they reward you for belching and breaking wind in here. How cool is that? I fart and they give me a cup of ice. I will end up like pavlov's dogs. Every time I break wind my mouth will water. Don't you dare roll your eyes at me I happen to be heavily medicated and this is "my space".
So seriously, how have all of you been doing? I have responded well to the surgery, but especially all of the prayers. I have said before that it would be worth it to me to get called home to have that many people praying who maybe don't all pray all of the time. I could feel the security I have spoken of before of being in God's hands throughout all of this. This is not to say I was never scared, but I knew every second that everything was okay. I am so blessed to have all of you in my life, and I like to think that maybe I bring a little something to the table also. I just cannot express how good it feels to have people praying in unison all over this country. Even all of the diffrent denominations who came together in that breif moment to pray for a brother and his wife and family who had been dealing with plenty already.
I will have a more cohesive blog in a couple of days, but I truly am heavily medicated. I don't know how much I really could handle without the meds. But as we all know I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. I know that and I will continue to bring this message as long as I am able. I love you guys and it is great to be back. I will have more soon, but for now, lets keep those prayers coming. Mark. |
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